I found this post about motherhood the other day here. It was if she was reading my mind ... everything she wrote is soo true of us mom's. Hope you guys enjoy!
...
Remembering Me
I wake in the morning, rub my eyes and try to decipher which child's cry I hear. I can immediately eliminate Katie as she has climbed into my bed sometime in the night, sidled herself next to me and pushed me to the very edge of my bed.
I hear the cry again and determine that it is Megan, not so much crying as alerting me that she is ready to depart her crib.
I get up, feel the familiar pulls and spasms that remind me I have a bad back each day. Three c sections with epidurals plus an extra thirty - five pounds has sent my back into early rigormortis that usually takes half a day of picking up children and toys to work itself out. I should go see someone... I'll add it to my list.
I stop on the way to rescue Megan from baby jail and take my meds. Yet another reminder that I am approaching middle age faster than I can down a twelve pack. I sweep my short hair up into a nubbin for the 998th day in a row, examine my eyebrows that are about 8 trips overdue for waxing, analyze how much longer I can go with my lip hair before people call me a man, and sigh.
I used to be so pretty. And I know I am not hideous now, but if you look at my pictures from five years ago, I am clean, tidy, and refreshed looking. My hair is trimmed and fixed, my nails painted and buffed, my feet are soft and unable to sand deck boards just by walking on them. My legs are shaved, my waist fits in a size 8 and my skin is clear. I used to put on at least a spot of make- up on daily basis. And if I didn't, it was ok. Because my skin was tight, soft and a reason I was carded to buy beer.
I took time for myself, took pride in myself and cared how I presented myself to the world. I had confidence that I was in style, looked sharp and took good care of myself. My car was clean, my house was spotless and my husband was weeelllll taken care of, if you get my drift.
I went to the dentist twice a year, went to the Doctor the second I felt sick, and took my vitamins like a good girl. I was a priority.
I see myself now and wonder what happened to that carefree, fun loving girl. The one that would hop on a plane to Vegas or New York just because I didn't have any other plans. The one that could tell you more about wine, trendy restaurants and bars than any local paper could.
I look in the mirror these days and see a shell of my former self. My skin had aged and is tired looking, my hair is graying - shhh - don't tell my husband, I tell him he's the only one! I need a haircut, tweezing, waxing and shaving. I need a shower for Heaven's sake! My fingernails are broken, my feet are just plain scary and I think I am wearing the same shirt for the third day in a row.
I am - much - heavier and for the first time in my life my stomach enters the room before my boobs. That's not a drain on my self confidence at all. No - I am healthy like that. I have tried to lose it. It keeps finding me. Damned built in GPS system.
My house is a mess, my car is reprehensible and I can't seem to find the time to get either of them to any sort of order. My husband is not as well taken care of thus meaning I am not so well taken care of. If you get my drift.... again.
I have not been to the Dentist in 3 years, and except for an Obstetrician, I have not idea what condition my health is in. Oh, except for a back Doctor about a year ago. I could not move for 24 hours after. I can't wait to go back.
The last place I traveled to was Wal- mart and I could not tell you if a bottle of wine is from Australia or Calamazoo. I have no idea what restaurants are even in this town, well - except McDonald's - I know where all of those are in a 10 mile radius. The last bar I went to was called Dusty's or Darby's or something like that and had half sized pool tables and full priced watered down drinks. It was the closest one to home in case the sitter called.
These days the closest I get to being hip, trendy and cool is Friends reruns and buying Huggies Jeans diapers for my baby. Plus, I jump into the totally awesome category when I alert my friends of a good clearance sale on children's clothing! I am really surprised there is no E! True Hollywood Story on me.
But, as I get back to reality, I suppose it is all relative. Life is meant to change, evolve and take you in different directions. Staying in the same daily routine can be boring and uneventful.
I take a deep breath and head out to Megan's room, stepping over toys, clothes and shoes promising I will get this house clean today. I will fail, but at least I have high hopes. A four tooth grin greets me and I know that trumps any jackpot I could have hit in Vegas.
I hear Sarah coming out of her room, pull- up so full it sags past her knees. Her hair in knots from twirling it through the night. I inhale deeply because I know there will be crying and pain when I attempt to remove the knots from her hair. She alerts me that she has, again, peed in her bed and tells me to "Change it." I know I should correct her for her bossiness
but she is just so darned cute that I can't get up the energy to do it.
Katie comes down the hall, heads to her room, ignores my Good Morning, closes her door and signals that my day has, indeed, begun. I smile and think, this is only the beginning of the drama queen that will attempt to reign supreme for years to come.
I suppose I have learned that in order to properly tend to my children and have a somewhat sane day, I had to put memories of my old self aside. Even my aching back, tiredness and hair do will have to wait for another time. And instead of feeling like I need to spend my entire day just trying to find time to myself, I have to just face reality and give 24/7 to my children.
I remain confident that they will appreciate this and make sure my Nursing Home has an open bar.
After changing diapers, pull- ups and sheets, settling fights between Katie and anyone who enters her room, attempting knot untangling from Sarah's hair and picking up Megan for the bejillionth time, I am lost in my new reality.
A reality that I fully accept and appreciate more than I'd like to admit. I love my little drama queens - tantrums, personality disorders and all. More than my past freedoms, lavish trips and extensive bar tabs. I love them more than the me that I used to be.
But as I take time to remember me, I pray that I can guide my girls to create the woman that they will be proud to look back on too.
...
So true right?
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Monday, July 26, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
{Zbinden's Bachelorette Weekend}
Friday, July 23, 2010
{KC & the Boys}
My mom and I took the boys to KC yesterday for a day trip and to visit my grandma. It was soo good to see family again! My brother met up with us for lunch, and after that, we all headed to the mall to let the kids run ... and boy did they ever!
Isn't my grandma the cutest? The boys just loved going to her house ... I think will have to plan another trip asap!
Isn't my grandma the cutest? The boys just loved going to her house ... I think will have to plan another trip asap!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
{Bayler "Push-Walking"}
I can make up new words right? Bayler is in the midst of learning how to walk, every day taking a few more steps ... getting a little bit more curisous and a little more daring. Here is him "push-walking" one of his toys. You can also see how he crawls ... I am going to miss that!
{Apparently, the video is not working today ... i'll try to upload it again!}
{Apparently, the video is not working today ... i'll try to upload it again!}
Monday, July 19, 2010
{Gathering Old Keys}
Ever since I saw this post on Young House Love, I have been trying to find all my old keys ... this has proven to be more difficult than I expected. Maybe I should just start off with the keys to the homes that Ryan and I live in. Right now, that total would be 1 ... but atleast I know where the key is :)
Such a cute idea ... I am in love with it!
Such a cute idea ... I am in love with it!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
{National Ice-Cream Day!}
Today is National Ice-Cream Day! I know, aren't you so excited! So my origional plan was to take the kids to Central Dairy ... well, that just didn't happen today. Plus, my patience level was not so stellar ... so I just decided we would have a picnic outside with the ice cream I made the other day (cookies n'cream). Ummm, if you live anywhere near Missouri, you know it was rediculous today. You couldn't be outside with sweating your behind off ... no joke. After numerous fails to get everyone out the door, I just decided to do it in our front yard.
You can tell by my camera lens just how muggy it was outside ... I had to take the rest of my pictures with my iphone. Oh well ... atleast the ice-cream was yummy!
Do you think Bayler likes Ice Cream? I'm not really sure?
Happy National Ice-Cream Day!
You can tell by my camera lens just how muggy it was outside ... I had to take the rest of my pictures with my iphone. Oh well ... atleast the ice-cream was yummy!
Do you think Bayler likes Ice Cream? I'm not really sure?
Happy National Ice-Cream Day!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
{Front Door Envy}
Let's just say this ... I will have this door someday!!
I am also loving one of my old friend, Liz's mom's front door. Did you get all that? haha. Anyways, check out Pam's blog and her beautiful raincoat yellow door.
Wouldn't you love to come home to it everyday?
I am also loving one of my old friend, Liz's mom's front door. Did you get all that? haha. Anyways, check out Pam's blog and her beautiful raincoat yellow door.
Wouldn't you love to come home to it everyday?
Monday, July 12, 2010
{Braeden Disaster Update}
To ease a lot of your minds (after I got a ton of emails) Braeden is doing much better than before. Friday I was able to get him into an ENT, and from the looks of things, Braeden will have surgery in a month. From what I hear, most doctors won't take tonsils & adenoids before 3, but Braeden's are pretty sever. In fact, he said it's almost physically impossible for Braeden to breath out of his nose. Poor guy! He has been put on four meds to help clear a lot of the infection and sinuses out, so we are hopeful the swelling and adenoids shrink. However, in the back of our minds, we know he will have to have the surgury either way.
All in all thought, he is in better spirits, back to his wild and crazy self, which is what we love about it! Braeden, although has been very sick this year, still keeps everyone laughing.
Thanks for all the advice, emails, etc. Love you all!
All in all thought, he is in better spirits, back to his wild and crazy self, which is what we love about it! Braeden, although has been very sick this year, still keeps everyone laughing.
Thanks for all the advice, emails, etc. Love you all!
Friday, July 9, 2010
{Braeden + Tonsils = Disaster}
So, these past few days have been miserable. Braeden has come down with yet another infection in his tonsils. This makes 4 times this month. It is almost unbearable. Braeden has been on a roller coaster ride since February, when he started daycare. I knew it would take a while for his immune system to catch up, but I just didn't expect this. It's out of control!!
On top of having tonsil problems, Braeden has bad allergies. So usually they play on each other. One will flair up, and then the other one will follow. He is allergic to amoxicillin, so there goes a ton of medications as well.
So here's the big problem. Braeden's tonsils look like golf balls. They are extremely hard, inflamed, and take up his whole entire mouth. So much though that his uvula is attached to one of them. To make matters worse, Braeden can not breath out of us nose. He has to breath out of his mouth. Which makes night time horrific. He snores like there is no tomorrow, and Ryan has had to sleep with him for the last 3 weeks because he has to make sure he's still breathing. As of right now, we think he probably has sleep apnea. Bottom line ... tonsils HAVE TO COME OUT!
So hear's what my day was like today. I wake up extremely early to take Braeden to the Dr.s for the fourth time this month. They immediately got us in, and pretty much told us that it was out of their hands at this point, that they were unable to treat him any further until he sees a specialist. We have an appointment for an ENT, but it's not until the 16th. He's EXTREMELY sick, can't talk, can hardly stand and they are telling me they can not treat him. Awesome! So the nurse says she is going to try to call the ENT to see if there is anyway they could get us in today. No luck! The Doc says she'll trying calling in a bit to see if they would listen to her. So I have Bayler there with me, I just mentioned that he was tugging at his ear earlier, so they took a lot ... yep, sure enough, ear infection. Fabulous ... bring it on!
So we leave with all of our prescriptions, I head home, and I decide I am going to try to call the ENT myself. I begged, pleaded, cried, everything I knew to do, and nothing. Oh, but I did get an, "I'm sorry we can't fit him in, we are so busy today, and we aren't hear from 12:00 to 1:30 for lunch." NICE! Way to really care about your patients ... seriously, kid can't breath and they just "don't have time." So you can imagine my frustration. Then, to make matters worse ... the doc calls the ENT to tell them it's urgent ... umm, they deny her as well. Oh, and the doctors in surgery all day tomorrow. Excellent!
Needless to say, I will probably go elsewhere. I am trying to take deep breaths tonight, and in the morning, start fresh. Hopefully I can get him in somewhere. On a positive note, tomorrow is Friday ... TJIF!!
On top of having tonsil problems, Braeden has bad allergies. So usually they play on each other. One will flair up, and then the other one will follow. He is allergic to amoxicillin, so there goes a ton of medications as well.
So here's the big problem. Braeden's tonsils look like golf balls. They are extremely hard, inflamed, and take up his whole entire mouth. So much though that his uvula is attached to one of them. To make matters worse, Braeden can not breath out of us nose. He has to breath out of his mouth. Which makes night time horrific. He snores like there is no tomorrow, and Ryan has had to sleep with him for the last 3 weeks because he has to make sure he's still breathing. As of right now, we think he probably has sleep apnea. Bottom line ... tonsils HAVE TO COME OUT!
So hear's what my day was like today. I wake up extremely early to take Braeden to the Dr.s for the fourth time this month. They immediately got us in, and pretty much told us that it was out of their hands at this point, that they were unable to treat him any further until he sees a specialist. We have an appointment for an ENT, but it's not until the 16th. He's EXTREMELY sick, can't talk, can hardly stand and they are telling me they can not treat him. Awesome! So the nurse says she is going to try to call the ENT to see if there is anyway they could get us in today. No luck! The Doc says she'll trying calling in a bit to see if they would listen to her. So I have Bayler there with me, I just mentioned that he was tugging at his ear earlier, so they took a lot ... yep, sure enough, ear infection. Fabulous ... bring it on!
So we leave with all of our prescriptions, I head home, and I decide I am going to try to call the ENT myself. I begged, pleaded, cried, everything I knew to do, and nothing. Oh, but I did get an, "I'm sorry we can't fit him in, we are so busy today, and we aren't hear from 12:00 to 1:30 for lunch." NICE! Way to really care about your patients ... seriously, kid can't breath and they just "don't have time." So you can imagine my frustration. Then, to make matters worse ... the doc calls the ENT to tell them it's urgent ... umm, they deny her as well. Oh, and the doctors in surgery all day tomorrow. Excellent!
Needless to say, I will probably go elsewhere. I am trying to take deep breaths tonight, and in the morning, start fresh. Hopefully I can get him in somewhere. On a positive note, tomorrow is Friday ... TJIF!!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
{Marketing a Business}
All of my energy lately has been spent on marketing my business. It's been a LONG process, but I am finally happy with everything.
Since I have started this business with nothing, I have had to do a lot of research and become "tech-savy." I feel like I have so much social media knowledge that I could teach a class :)
Hey, maybe I'll just do that ... any takers?? haha, jk! I am no professional, but it feels good when you don't have to pay for advertising, but you can learn for trial and error how to market your business!
If you want to check it out, head over to my The Bridal Solution's Facebook Page and The Bridal Solution's Twitter Page!
Don't forget to follow and become a fan :)
Don't forget to follow and become a fan :)
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
{Picnic Tables}
We had such a fun-filled weekend, it was absolutly perfect! You know everyone's had a good time when the last day everyone is EXHAUSTED because it's been go go go go the whole time!
All four of us have gone to the pool every single day this weekend. We have followed it up by parades, weddings, fireworks, barbeques, carnivals & birthdays. Yeah ... did you get all of that??
One things that was consistent was our new infatuation of picnics. After you have kids, you find little things to do to get our the house, but also to entertain your kids. Picnic's have done the trick for us.
In fact, that got me thinking ... I bet there are some beautiful picnic tables out there ... here are a few ...
Also, this is a SUPER great product from Tuffo. Mine is in the mail :) Bring on the picnics!
All four of us have gone to the pool every single day this weekend. We have followed it up by parades, weddings, fireworks, barbeques, carnivals & birthdays. Yeah ... did you get all of that??
One things that was consistent was our new infatuation of picnics. After you have kids, you find little things to do to get our the house, but also to entertain your kids. Picnic's have done the trick for us.
In fact, that got me thinking ... I bet there are some beautiful picnic tables out there ... here are a few ...
Also, this is a SUPER great product from Tuffo. Mine is in the mail :) Bring on the picnics!